IFS Therapy in NYC
Virtual therapy people-pleasers, overachievers, and hyperindependent women in New York & New Jersey
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy in NYC
You understand the pattern. But understanding it hasn’t necessarily helped you change it.
This might look like:
Part of you wants to set a boundary. Another worries you'll disappoint someone.
Part of you wants support. Another would rather handle everything yourself.
You know you don't need everyone to like you. You still replay the conversation afterward.
You want to slow down. Something in you keeps pushing.
You know you're allowed to have needs. You still feel guilty when you express them.
IFS helps you understand why these reactions show up and what they may be trying to protect you from.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy approach developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that looks at the different “parts” of you that can show up in different situations.
You might already notice this in everyday life: part of you wants to speak up, while another part worries about upsetting someone. Part of you wants support, while another insists you should handle it on your own.
IFS helps us get curious about these reactions instead of judging or trying to shut them down. Often, these parts developed for a reason and may still be trying to protect you from things like rejection, criticism, disappointment, or feeling out of control.
The goal isn’t to get rid of parts of yourself. It’s to understand them well enough that they don’t have to run the show.
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When your mind is constantly anticipating, replaying, or preparing for what might go wrong.
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When you know you’re allowed to say no, but still feel guilty, selfish, or responsible for someone else’s reaction.
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When you push yourself to get everything right and still struggle to feel like what you’ve done is enough.
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When you’re capable of handling everything on your own, but tired of feeling like you always have to.
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When you want closeness but struggle with vulnerability, conflict, asking for what you need, or trusting someone else to show up for you.
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When present-day reactions feel connected to things you learned much earlier about safety, relationships, or what you had to do to get through difficult experiences.
What can IFS Therapy in NYC Help with?
What happens in an IFS Therapy Session?
You don’t need to come into session knowing which “part” is showing up or how to talk to it.
We’ll usually start with whatever feels most relevant that week. Maybe you’re stuck on a conversation, feeling anxious about a relationship, or noticing that you said yes to something you didn’t really want to do.
From there, we may slow the moment down and pay attention to what you notice emotionally, physically, or internally. I might ask what happens when you imagine saying no, what comes up when someone offers to help, or what makes it hard to let yourself rest.
Sometimes we’ll stay with one reaction for a while. Other times, different parts of you may show up with completely different needs.
The work can be reflective, conversational, and experiential. You don’t have to visualize anything perfectly or follow a rigid IFS process.
My role is to help you notice what’s happening with more clarity and make sense of it together, at a pace that feels manageable.
For many Asian American, immigrant, and children-of-immigrant clients, patterns like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and hyperindependence don’t exist in isolation.
They may be tied to family expectations, responsibility, achievement, sacrifice, gratitude, or the pressure to be the one who keeps things together.
You might genuinely value being dependable and still feel exhausted by how much you carry. You might want to make choices for yourself while also feeling guilty about how those choices affect your family.
IFS can help you explore these different pulls without assuming that growth means rejecting your culture, family, or values.
Together, we can look at what still feels meaningful to you, what feels heavy, and what you want to relate to differently now.
IFS Therapy in NYC for
Asian-Americans, International Students & Immigrants
mandy lam, LCSW, LCAT, MT-BCMeet Your IFS Therapist in NYC
Hi, I’m Mandy, a psychotherapist and board-certified music therapist offering virtual therapy to adults across New York and New Jersey.
I use IFS, alongside psychodynamic, somatic, attachment-based therapy, and mindfulness in my sessions. My approach is collaborative and flexible, so we can draw from different tools depending on what feels most useful to you.
I often work with thoughtful, self-aware adults navigating anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, hyperindependence, identity, and recurring relationship patterns.
As someone who was born in Hong Kong, raised in Canada, and later moved to New York, I also bring sensitivity to cultural identity, immigration, family expectations, and belonging.
Sessions are available in English and Cantonese, with conversational Mandarin.
Virtual IFS Therapy in NYC
and across New York & New Jersey
Mindful Roots Collective offers virtual IFS-informed therapy for adults located throughout New York and New Jersey.
Sessions are $250 for 45 minutes. I’m an out-of-network provider and can provide documentation for potential reimbursement through your insurance benefits.
A complimentary 15-minute consultation gives us a chance to talk about what’s bringing you to therapy, answer any questions, and see whether my approach feels like a good fit.
Frequently Asked
Questions
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Parts work is a broad term for therapy approaches that explore different aspects of our internal experience. Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is one specific model of parts work developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz.
In my practice, I use IFS-informed parts work as part of a broader, integrative approach to therapy.
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No. Despite the name, Internal Family Systems does not require your family to participate in therapy.
The “family” refers to the different parts within your internal system and how they relate to one another.
I’d definitely add this one. Manhattan Mindful uses essentially this FAQ, and it addresses a very natural misunderstanding people have from the name itself.
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IFS still involves talking, but the focus often shifts from only discussing why you feel or behave a certain way to noticing what is happening internally as you talk about it.
For example, rather than only discussing why setting a boundary feels difficult, we might notice what comes up when you imagine saying no and explore that reaction more closely.
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Not at all. You don’t need to know what Managers, Firefighters, Exiles, or Self mean before beginning.
We can start with what is actually happening in your life and use parts language only when it feels helpful.
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IFS is often incorporated into trauma-informed therapy because it can help us approach protective reactions and painful experiences gradually.
You do not need to immediately revisit every difficult experience in order to begin. The pace of the work should depend on your history, needs, and comfort level.
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IFS can help us explore the parts of you that have learned to prevent rejection, criticism, conflict, or disappointment by keeping others happy or getting things “right.”
Rather than treating people-pleasing or perfectionism as bad habits to eliminate, we can become curious about why those strategies developed and what they are still trying to accomplish.